so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You are a genius and a whore.
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