I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
