Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
