my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
