iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
