I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
