I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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