so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So much rum. So many feels.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
