I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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