My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
