I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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