watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
