I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
