I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
