i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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