I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
