if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
