Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
