Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
