dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
