I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
time to smoke my breakfast
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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