Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
