I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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