There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
a search helicopter?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
