Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
