Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
