new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
