if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
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