I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
