I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
