No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
