So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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