This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
