Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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