Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey