Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
