Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.

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  (248): I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first. http://tfl.nu/88zr
  Replies (18) Good night (3551) Bad night (507)
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  (310): View more from California

  She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"

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  (310): She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane" http://tfl.nu/g45q
  Replies (7) Good night (2116) Bad night (845)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?

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  (251): Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone? http://tfl.nu/sjee
  Replies (39) Good night (771) Bad night (3032)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.

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  (352): i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so. http://tfl.nu/yfpa
  Replies (31) Good night (5017) Bad night (531)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer

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  (703): Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer http://tfl.nu/3upq
  Replies (42) Good night (3666) Bad night (1004)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.

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  (519): Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes. http://tfl.nu/ehgd
  Replies (35) Good night (1031) Bad night (8088)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.

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  (703): I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/hego
  Replies (5) Good night (753) Bad night (2954)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.

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  (231): You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked. http://tfl.nu/mtva
  Replies (4) Good night (2261) Bad night (634)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.

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  (609): I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains. http://tfl.nu/mhck
  Replies (2) Good night (335) Bad night (759)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there

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  (803): Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there http://tfl.nu/i0xr
  Replies (5) Good night (696) Bad night (372)
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  (716): View more from New York

  it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.

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  (716): it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality. http://tfl.nu/d5wl
  Replies (7) Good night (820) Bad night (240)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick

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  (770): I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick http://tfl.nu/l70j
  Replies (3) Good night (859) Bad night (578)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny

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  (678): The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny http://tfl.nu/ejq7
  Replies (5) Good night (325) Bad night (676)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"

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  (423): So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY" http://tfl.nu/9gkr
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao

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  (561): Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao http://tfl.nu/lnta
  Replies (3) Good night (220) Bad night (413)

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