Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
