i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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