But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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