so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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