So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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