Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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