thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
