this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
