So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I lost the right to judge tonight
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
