So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
