Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
