Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
