So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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