wrigley field is MILF paradise
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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