have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
