he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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