I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
