6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
