in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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