Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Welp...herpes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
