It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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