Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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