Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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