woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How does one acquire holy water?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
