Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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