I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
