Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
