It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
