I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
