tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
