i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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