i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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