so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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